Pet Rescue
by missineichen
Summary: When Dan gives Chuck an abandoned mutt, he becomes inspired to open a pet rescue shelter. Will the new "good boy" Bass lure Blair home?


Chuck lay on the plush carpet of his apartment, in a pair of pastel black silk boxers and an oriental gold-threaded night-robe. Dan glanced around the wreckage of Chuck's _forget-Blair _weekend. Empty packets of coke, shattered whiskey bottles, handcuffs, glitter, multi-coloured wigs, shot glasses, panties, bras, stiletto heels, S&M leather whips.

"Jesus, Chuck. You're out of control," Dan laughed.

"Aren't I always?" Chuck slurred drowsily.

"She's married now, to freaking European royalty. The faster you accept it, the better. No point moping around all day," Dan lectured.

Chuck smiled wanly, "Ooohh believe me, Humphrey. I do anything _but _mope around. Take a look around you. Do I look like the kind of guy sitting around waiting for her? No, I'm living. Moving on."

Dan lifted an empty packet of white powder, "_This _is not living. This is numbing your pain with narcotics."

Dan kicked a pair of gauzy red panties to one side, "And _this _is not moving on. This is called getting more ass than a toilet seat."

Chuck barked with laughter, "If that's not living, I don't know what is!"

Dan threw Chuck a meaningful look, "Seriously dude, you're a mess. You need a distraction. Something or _someone _to help you move on."

"_Someone?_ Humphrey, please. If you're here to set me up with some bitch, believe me, I don't need a wingman. As you've already pointed out, ever so eloquently, I get more ass than a toilet seat." Chuck dismissed, with a wave of his hand.

"Well, he's not so much a bitch as he is a butch," Dan said vaguely.

Chuck frowned suspiciously, "The hell are you up to, Humphrey? You know I don't swing that way." Chuck groaned, "Dammit. You know about the deal Blair made to have me kiss a guy, don't you?"

Dan's eyes widened, "Hang on, WHAT?! Her deal to make you do what?!"

Chuck smiled slyly, "Oh you don't know? Better still. Forget I said anything."

Dan shook his head vigorously, "Right whatever. Look, what I meant to say, what I've been leading up to, is that I've found you a companion. Someone I rescued from the RSPCA."

"Tell me you're fucking with me, Humphrey." Chuck warned.

"C'mon, they were going to put this dog down! If I didn't find him a loving home-"

"Does _this _look like a loving home to you?!" Chuck interrupted.

"Yeah… You make a fair point. The dog would probably choke on the shards of whiskey glass or OD on some of this leftover cocaine, you got lying around," Dan appraised.

Chuck smiled triumphantly, "Good. I'm glad we're at an understanding. Now, if you'd kindly show yourself to the door."

"C'mon, I've got him here with me, tied up in front of the lobby of your hotel," Dan whined.

"Humphrey! The last thing I need is for some street mutt to shit and piss in front of my hotel! What kind of impression do you think that gives potential clients?" Chuck snapped.

Dan rolled his eyes, "Chuck, you've got five minutes to clear this crap away, then you're meeting… _Charles Bass Junior_."

Chuck scrunched up his nose, "Jesus, Humphrey. You named that filthy mongrel after me? You don't have the hots for me, do you?"

Dan laughed incredulously, "Wow, just Wow! You really love yourself, don't you?! They just don't get vainer than you!"

Chuck shrugged, "Hey, I wouldn't blame you if you did. You wouldn't be the first dude I confused."

Dan pointed at Chuck, "You. Clean this shit up. And when I come back, the dog is yours."

Dan jogged to the lobby, untying the thin unkempt gangly hound from the lobby front, and leading it into the elevator, towards the Penthouse suite, and into Chuck's life.

"Buddy, that mutt looks like shit." Chuck commented, eyeing the scraggly creature sourly. "I think it might infect my entire carpet with fleas."

Dan petted the dog affectionately, "Don't be unkind to Charles Bass Jr. He's a very good boy. Yes you are! You really are!"

"I'm starting to think you named the dog after me because you _hate _me, not because you like me," Chuck muttered.

Dan grinned, "Spot on. I'll be heading off, now. You two, be friends!"

* * *

**A/N: **sooo should I continue this story? plz review! thanks! :p


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